


These Drops of Blood Keep Me Alive

by halfhuman2214



Series: Loner Universe [4]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anger, Cutting, Depression, Gen, Lies, Self Harm, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 23:13:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2288114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfhuman2214/pseuds/halfhuman2214
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry." Ashton whispers.<br/>Michael frowns. "For what?"<br/>"For not seeing it sooner."</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Drops of Blood Keep Me Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReallyLarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReallyLarry/gifts).



> So this idea came from ReallyLarry. I never though of doing this one until she(?) asked about it. 
> 
> There is a trigger warning, I do go into somewhat detail about cutting.
> 
> The italics is present day/ Ashtons inner input as he rethinks.

_Ashtons thoughts were racing as he lie awake with Luke curled up next to him. Michael and Calums soft breaths were the only other sounds in the room. He didn't understand how he didn't see it, looking back now it was as plain as day, the only difference is now he knows the truth._

Ashton sat there on the edge of the tub watching the crimson blood run down his thigh, his eyes were glued to it in some sort of sick satisfaction. Keeping up his habit had been difficult now that he was with the boys all the time. He was actually trying to stop, the presance of people like the boys around making the urge lessen a bit. Quitting wasn't easy though. He always had the itch. He hadn't cut in 3 days, which was better then he had done in the past, but he needed today. Needed it to smile at the moment. He sliced another cut into his skin, and was in the middle of making another when the bathroom door opened and Michael walked in, one hand tugging on his hair, the other one tapping at his thigh, his mind lost in thought. Michael hadn't noticed Ashton, but Ashton noticed him and froze with the blade still stuck in his thigh mid cut. _Thinking about it now, Ashton realises Michael had gone into the bathroom to cut and get out of his head. No wonder he hadn't noticed Ashton right away._ When Michael did notice Ashton he gasped and took a step back. "Ash?" The pale boy asked hesitantly.

"Don't yell. Please." Ashton whispered pulling the blade away from his thigh. Michael dropped to his knees, reaching for a roll of toilet paper from the spares they kept near the toilet. Slowy he cleaned up the cuts and pulled away when they stoped bleeding flushing some of them down the toilet. "I'm trying to stop. I really am." Ashton stumbles over his words shame filling him, all the relief gone. "Please don't tell the guys. I'm going to stop, really."

Michael nods. "O...okay. i'll give you 6 months to either stop or tell them, then I'll tell them." Michael says sitting back on his heals looking Ashton straight in the eyes. Ashton agreed, glad that Michael was on his side.

_Looking at it with a clear head, Ashton knows Michael agreeing was a little too easy, even then he kind of knew that it was. He wonders if Michael cut after that encounter. How badly did he do it if he did?_

Michael kept his word though, never taunted Ashto either. He would just hug him a little longer sometimes. _The hugs really helped him, he wonders how badly Michael needed them too._ 4 months later Ashton was nearly clean for a month and a half and for the first time ever he walked around in his boxers, scars on full view for the boys to see. Even Michael looked surprised when he joined them in the living room. Ashton expected the gasps he got. He didn't expect the hugs.

Hours later he was curled up next to Luke, Michael and Calum on the floor. _Much like tonight Ashton thinks with a snort._ The boys had made him tell them why he did it. And Ashton told them every little reason. "There was so much preasure on me after my dad died. Mum and my sibilings needed me to be strong for them. I never got the chance to grieve and one day I slipped while I was making dinner, my mother hadn't fully gotten over the death yet, and I nicked myself and I felt like I could breath again." _He remembers Michael paleing whenever he talked about his fathers death. To this day he still doesn't understand why._ Calum had slowly rubbed Ashtons thigh and snuck Michael some looks. _Back then Ashton didn't know what they meant, but now he did._ Luke hugged him and Michael gave him a supportive smile. _He remembers finding blood on the bathroom floor later that night and thinking it was some of his from earlier. Only now he realises it was Michaels._

Ashton relapsed 3 times after that night. He told the boys each time, and they cried. Each time they all dealt with it their own way. Calum wrote music, Luke got cuddly, Michael disappeared for hours. _To cut, Ashtons mind suplies._

_Ashton rolls over to look at the bright haired boy to see him stairing back. "I'm sorry." Ashton whispers._

_Michael frowns. "For what?"_

_"For not seeing it sooner." Ashton says._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry it is so short. But yeah there it is.


End file.
